


Noir's Dirty ABC's

by ChocoToasties



Category: Marvel (Comics), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Marvel Noir, Spider-Man - All Media Types, Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse (2018)
Genre: Dirty Headcanons, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Gen, NSFW Alphabet, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-10
Updated: 2019-10-10
Packaged: 2020-11-28 12:51:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20966852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChocoToasties/pseuds/ChocoToasties
Summary: Based off the NSFW Alphabet Meme, here is a description of your sex life with the Nazi-punching, eggcream drinking Spiderman himself, Noir!





	Noir's Dirty ABC's

**Author's Note:**

> These headcanons are based off a Noir that shares the traits of his comicbook and movie counterparts. Reader is from another dimension and if yah feel,can be a Spider person as well.

**A=Aftercare (What they're like after sex)**

Peter knows that he can be rough without even trying, so he makes sure to check for bruises and get you a cup of water at least. He'll even get a towel to wipe off or take you to the shower so you can wash each other.

Cuddling is a given, cause he likes holding you. Sometimes you talk, but it's usually a comfortable silence.

  
**B=Body Part (Their favorite part of their partner's body)**

Homeboy's an ass man. It's like his hands have a gravitational pull towards your butt. Whether you're cuddling on the couch or having a hot make-out session, his hands subconsciously find their way there.

  
** C=Cum (Anything to do with cum basically... I'm a disgusting person)**

He doesn't have a preference really. He's just happy to cum with/for you. Although, there was that one time you licked his cum off your fingers after jerking him off... Maybe he has a favorite after all?

  
** D=Dirty Secret**

He's thought about taking nude photos of you, but he's too nervous to suggest it.

  
** E= Experience (How much do they have?)**

You're the second person he's slept with, but he was still awkward when you first had sex. He's a fast and eager learner though, so he made up for it quickly.

  
** F= Favorite Position**

Lift and Carry or Cowgirl. He likes to feel as much of you as possible, and those positions grant him lots of skin contact. He also likes to watch as your face contorts in so many pleasurable expressions. Oh, and he can grab your ass.

  
** G= Goofy (How are they in the moment? Are they more serious or humorous?)**

Believe it or not, the man can be funny when he wants to. Don't get me wrong, he's intense at default, but sometimes he likes to get cheeky whenever he's edging you.

  
** H= Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)**

Peter doesn't have much body hair except for a happy trail that he keeps trimmed.

  
** I=Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect)**

Peter loves to bask in your presence. Memorize and catalogue every detail about you because you fascinate him so. He fully immerses himself in the moment and gives his undivided attention.

He is more of a man of action than a man of words, so don't expect eloquent declarations of love. Instead, he tries to convey his feelings through touch, like kissing every part of you, resting his forehead on yours, holding hands or holding you.

**J=Jack Off (Masturbation Headcanon)**

Peter is very busy, whether it's because of work or crime fighting, so he doesn't rub one out often. When he does, he'd rather do it with you.

**K=Kink (One or more of their kinks)**

Spanking is fun for him. He likes the way your butt jiggles when he smacks it.

Bondage is great. Something about seeing you tied up like a present in his webbing makes him animalistic.

Peter loves to watch you play with yourself, so Mutual Masturbation is one of his favorite activities. There's something intimate about sharing an "alone time" activity with someone.

**L=Location (Favorite places to do the do)**

Peter isn't much of an exhibitionist since he likes having you to himself, so the most he'll do outside the apartment is a hot makeout session. Anywhere in the apartment or his office after hours is great.

**M=Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)**

It doesn't take much to get him going, but he's gotta admit- whenever you wear leggings or anything that accentuates your butt, he's ready to jump your bones.

**N=No (Something they won't do, turn offs)**

Nothing degrading or violent, like blood play or namecalling. Dude's seen a lot of heinous things in his dimension, and doesn't want to be reminded of it when y'all are having a moment.

**O=Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)**

Sit. On. His. Face. Eating you out is considered a hobby to him. He finds it so hot when you squirm and writhe under his mouth, to the point where it's hard for him not to touch himself.

His mind goes blank whenever you go down on him. There was this one time when you used what he calls, the "Two Handed Soul-Sucking Technique", and it left him a leg-shaking, moaning mess.

**P=Pace (Fast and rough? Slow and sensual?)**

It depends on his mood. At default, he's moderate and steady, but whenever things get charged, he gets rougher and less rhythmic.

**Q=Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)**

Personally, he'd rather take his time, but when you reunite after days or weeks of being apart, it's hard not to get that spent up energy out.

**R=Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)**

Yes and no. He likes learning new things, but not at the expense of his or your safety. He has to calculate the trade offs first at least.

**S=Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they usually last)**

Let's just say that spidey powers benefit in more ways than one.

**T=Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them?)**

He doesn't own any toys, but has been cool with using them whenever you suggested it. He loved using that couple's vibrator you brought from your dimension last week.

**U=Unfair (How much do they like to tease?)**

You tease him way more than he teases you, and he gets you back for it. He is an absolute bastard when it comes to payback. The man could edge you for hours on end, and when he finally decides to let you come, he overstimulated you. It's great.

**V=Volume (How loud they are, what kind of noises do they make, etc.)**

Peter gets absolutely feral when he's turned on, to the point where it's hard for him to speak clearly. He isn't loud, but he does moan and growl a lot. When he's close to cumming, he starts to whimper.

He loves hearing your voice, especially when it's to encourage him or when you're particularly enjoying whatever he's doing. It's music to his ears.

**W= Wild Card (Random headcanon)**

There was this one time you called him a good boy, and something inside him just... clicked. He wants to hear it more often, but he gets flustered about these matters.

**X=X-Ray**

He's circumcised (of course). He's average in terms of length, but a little on the thick side.

**Y=Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)**

Higher than he's comfortable admitting, especially whenever he's stressed out or angry. It can get frustrating when you're in your dimension and he's horny and jerking off just won't cut it.

**Z=ZZZ... (How fast do they fall asleep afterwards?)**

Peter doesn't fall asleep easily, so he likes to watch you rest until sleep manages to take over. When that happens, he's out like a light.

**Author's Note:**

> For anyone wondering about Peter's first lover, it was Felicia. I went off of the comic book Noir. Also if you're wondering about the "of course" line about his circumcision, he's Jewish. It's a shame we don't see that mentioned often in media concerning him.


End file.
